summer?

Summer is here?

I'm done with my Junior year of college. I'm home for the summer. I start my summer job on Monday. Summer is here, but I'm not so sure I'm ready for it. Normally I'm so ready to get home for the summer, ready to be away from school, but not this year...

The last couple of weeks, and the last couple of days, have been so much fun. I've made some of THE best memories with some wonderful people. I had to come home earlier than expected. Today I had to say some goodbye's to people I wasn't ready to say goodbye to. I've gotten really close to some people this year and the next time I see some of them will be three months from now. I'm not ok with that.

I've been home for about 6 hours, and I already don't know if I'm gonna make it through the summer. I just can't sit around the house. I mean I love my family and I'm glad to see them, but I feel like I'm in high school again, and I DONT like it! I think this is just part of growing up.....


I just want to be back at HU...

anonymous

It amazes me how powerful words are.

It amazes me how strings of letters and sounds when put together and said with meaning behind them, can evoke the most powerful of emotions. Uplifting words can brighten your day, or make you laugh. In the same way, one negative or hurtful comment can stay with you for months and months.

I was in a situation today which reminded me of something someone said to me. I'm still struggling with something someone said to me almost 6 months ago. Still. Those words, which didn't quite follow the whole, "think before you speak" rule of thumb, have totally changed how I view a huge part of my life. Instead of feeling confident, when it comes to this area, I feel completely incompetent. It completely changed my outlook. I hate that it has that kind of power over my emotions and my mindset.

But you know what I am only beginning to realize? It's my fault for allowing those words to hurt me so much. I mean, of course, originally those words did hurt, they hurt a lot, but I'm the one who hasn't let them go. By allowing that hurt to remain...for over 6 months...I'm just re-opening the wound. I'm hurting myself more than the words originally hurt me. I just built walls instead. Walls to keep that person out. Maybe some walls aren't always bad, I mean why be close to someone who continues to harm you. But then again, what great things could I also be keeping out. who knows....but....

I think it's time to start to deal with it.....so here it goes....wish me luck.

Today is Good Friday. I went to the Good Friday service at my church today. I went by myself, which i was a little annoyed with at first. But in the end, I was really glad I went. It was a great service and I was glad I went by myself. There were less distractions and I could really just focus on the reason I was there. We sang "Before the Throne of God Above", this verse really stuck out to me so I thought i would share it with you. I've just been dealing with a lot of stuff recently and it's a blessing to be reminded of the truths of this song.

"When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me."


Happy Easter!

records

So my roommate bought a record player. Yeah, one of those super retro, awesome things you play records on. I love it, and I've been getting acquainted with some classics: Dylan, James Taylor, Carly Simon. It's been lovely. I can't think of to many things that are as relaxing as sitting on the couch, listening to records. Life just seems a bit more simple when you're sitting in the sunlight watching the record spin around.

Obviously, I've been listening to quite a bit of music recently (I guess this isn't surprising, since I almost always have music of some form playing) and am still amazed how powerful music is.

Music possesses the unique ability to change my mood almost instantaneously. I get into the car, turn on the radio and whatever song is currently being played over the airwaves determines my mood for the next few hours of my life. If it's an up-tempo song, I'm ready to take on the world, thinking life is great. If it's a slower song, I mellow out and become introspective.

Today was an introspective day. It began by listening to the lyrical musings of James Taylor which left me feeling like I MUST take a nap or a long drive. Since the money is tight, I went with a nap. Next Gavin Degraw, John Mayer, and Maroon 5, via pandora.com, dropped me into a contemplative mood.

I haven't decided if this is a good or bad thing. It's a little scary that music can effect my emotions to that extent. It's a little scary that I like experiencing all those different emotions. And it's a little scary that the artists have that kind of control over me. I'm not really too sure what to do about it right now....besides John Mayer is currently lulling me into sweet melancholy, so I don't really care what else is going on....

and yes, I do know that this is a strange post.


I wrote this a long time ago...but the good old internet was failing me.

New

I think I'm going to try something new. Not quite sure what it will be yet. I just am tired of being in the same old rut and it's time to push myself out. On to bigger and better things.....or maybe just different things.


sidenote: I got my application for graduation in the mail this week. I will be graduating college in a little over one year. THAT is scary...scary and exciting all at the same time.

spring break?

yes, yes, i know i haven't posted in ages and ages, what can i say, i'm been crazy busy.

Well, today is the first day of SPRING BREAK!!! I'm so excited. I'm going with some friends down to Florida. We're driving, which should be....interesting. I'm actually looking forward to the drive down. I love driving/ riding in cars and it'll be great to be with my friends. I do however, have this lurking feeling that around hour number 10 I'll be ready to be OUT OF THE CAR!!! haha. oh well it's all part of the experience.

This is my first true college spring break. the past 2 years i've just gone home. So i'm so excited to be with my friends.

*note to self: I HATE swimsuit shopping, talk about a self-esteem killer*

Unfortunately, I have quite a bit of homework to do over spring break. I don't have anything that's due the mon. we get back, but ALOT of projects to get started on. hopefully that will make the week after spring break a little less stressful.

That's all for now folks. There was an "updating-fluffy-no actual content" post for you to enjoy while I'm soaking up the sun in Florida!!!!!!!

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers eye." Luke 6:41-42


This isn't a passive agressive post. I didn't post it so people would read it and think I'm accusing them of anything, I'm not. I've just been thinking of these verses as of late and thought I would share a little insight into what's been going through my head.....maybe I'll post again later and share a little more of what crazy things I've been thinking the past few days...look out cuz that's going to be a crazy post!