In Search for a Great Title...

here it comes....

2010-11-21T20:44:00.000-08:00

so much can change so quickly. My life is heading towards graduation...and with graduation comes an entirely new set of worries and problems to add on to the old ones. It's also going to bring new opportunities and new people into my life. So many decisions to be made. nothing like a little pressure to get your heart pumping...to the point of having high blood pressure that may or may not need to be medicated. I'm convinced (or trying to convince myself) I'm going to enjoy the ride.

....

2010-09-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

Weary- "physically or mentally exhausted by hard work, exertion, strain, etc.; fatigued; tired"

This basically defines my life right now. I just feel like life has gotten the better of me, that I keep falling down and i'm tired of getting back up.

This is a poem about hope:

http://http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/hope-is-the-thing-with-feathers/

......too bad I hate birds.

so long summer time

2010-08-01T12:52:00.000-07:00

Obviously I've been less than diligent in keeping up w/ this blog over the summer. Want to know why?

I could sit here and say it was because I was busy, or nothing interesting happened, or I just haven't been on the computer much...but to be honest, I just didn't feel like spending the time to write about what I've been doing.

I really should spend this "welcome back to blog-land" post updating everyone on what my summer has been like, but I not going to...I would forget to include most of what I did anyways.

But I will tell you about one thing I did this summer. I've spend a lot of my time reading. I wish I could say I've read deep, though provoking books which forever altered my way of thinking, but I haven't. I did read the Twilight series, but contrary to popular opinion, they were not all that thought provoking. I will admit I did enjoy the books though.
The latest book that I've been working through is one which was made into a movie. It's called "Evening" by Susan Minot. I really enjoyed the movie. The setting is beautiful, the characters complex, and the plot slightly depressing. I decided to read the book.

It surprised me. The author creates a wonderful sense of semi-consciousness throughout the book. You're transported in and out of the main characters thoughts, memories, and dreams. The heroine of the story starts off as a young, vibrant girl who is determined to overcome the doldrums of life she believes so many of the people around her have fallen into. She goes to a wedding of a friend and falls suddenly and madly in love with a man she meets there. They are truly "star-crossed lovers" and after the wedding weekend is over, they never see each other again. The heroine marries, three different times, has children, and lives her life. But she becomes just like the people she so desperately tried to avoid as a young woman. She seems to lose herself in the fury of life. She lies on her death bed overcome with regret, wondering what about her life actually mattered. What if? She wonders what if...

I can't help but ask myself the same questions. I'm terrified of having regrets and I'm terrified of just existing rather than living. I am about to start my last year of college. I will have to make many decisions, some big, some small. What if the decisions I think are insignificant end up having a huge impact down the road. I'm not ready to deal with the good-byes, the new places, the fear the unknown brings, and the big decisions I'm going to have to make. But...the more I think about it, I don't think anyone ever really is ready. Praise God I don't have to do this alone...check out some awesome verses I found in Psalm 25....

"To you O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me...Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me you paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."

summer?

2010-05-14T18:50:00.000-07:00

Summer is here?

I'm done with my Junior year of college. I'm home for the summer. I start my summer job on Monday. Summer is here, but I'm not so sure I'm ready for it. Normally I'm so ready to get home for the summer, ready to be away from school, but not this year...

The last couple of weeks, and the last couple of days, have been so much fun. I've made some of THE best memories with some wonderful people. I had to come home earlier than expected. Today I had to say some goodbye's to people I wasn't ready to say goodbye to. I've gotten really close to some people this year and the next time I see some of them will be three months from now. I'm not ok with that.

I've been home for about 6 hours, and I already don't know if I'm gonna make it through the summer. I just can't sit around the house. I mean I love my family and I'm glad to see them, but I feel like I'm in high school again, and I DONT like it! I think this is just part of growing up.....

I just want to be back at HU...

anonymous

2010-04-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

It amazes me how powerful words are.

It amazes me how strings of letters and sounds when put together and said with meaning behind them, can evoke the most powerful of emotions. Uplifting words can brighten your day, or make you laugh. In the same way, one negative or hurtful comment can stay with you for months and months.

I was in a situation today which reminded me of something someone said to me. I'm still struggling with something someone said to me almost 6 months ago. Still. Those words, which didn't quite follow the whole, "think before you speak" rule of thumb, have totally changed how I view a huge part of my life. Instead of feeling confident, when it comes to this area, I feel completely incompetent. It completely changed my outlook. I hate that it has that kind of power over my emotions and my mindset.

But you know what I am only beginning to realize? It's my fault for allowing those words to hurt me so much. I mean, of course, originally those words did hurt, they hurt a lot, but I'm the one who hasn't let them go. By allowing that hurt to remain...for over 6 months...I'm just re-opening the wound. I'm hurting myself more than the words originally hurt me. I just built walls instead. Walls to keep that person out. Maybe some walls aren't always bad, I mean why be close to someone who continues to harm you. But then again, what great things could I also be keeping out. who knows....but....

I think it's time to start to deal with it.....so here it goes....wish me luck.

2010-04-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

Today is Good Friday. I went to the Good Friday service at my church today. I went by myself, which i was a little annoyed with at first. But in the end, I was really glad I went. It was a great service and I was glad I went by myself. There were less distractions and I could really just focus on the reason I was there. We sang "Before the Throne of God Above", this verse really stuck out to me so I thought i would share it with you. I've just been dealing with a lot of stuff recently and it's a blessing to be reminded of the truths of this song.

"When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me."

Happy Easter!

records

2010-03-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

So my roommate bought a record player. Yeah, one of those super retro, awesome things you play records on. I love it, and I've been getting acquainted with some classics: Dylan, James Taylor, Carly Simon. It's been lovely. I can't think of to many things that are as relaxing as sitting on the couch, listening to records. Life just seems a bit more simple when you're sitting in the sunlight watching the record spin around.

Obviously, I've been listening to quite a bit of music recently (I guess this isn't surprising, since I almost always have music of some form playing) and am still amazed how powerful music is.

Music possesses the unique ability to change my mood almost instantaneously. I get into the car, turn on the radio and whatever song is currently being played over the airwaves determines my mood for the next few hours of my life. If it's an up-tempo song, I'm ready to take on the world, thinking life is great. If it's a slower song, I mellow out and become introspective.

Today was an introspective day. It began by listening to the lyrical musings of James Taylor which left me feeling like I MUST take a nap or a long drive. Since the money is tight, I went with a nap. Next Gavin Degraw, John Mayer, and Maroon 5, via pandora.com, dropped me into a contemplative mood.

I haven't decided if this is a good or bad thing. It's a little scary that music can effect my emotions to that extent. It's a little scary that I like experiencing all those different emotions. And it's a little scary that the artists have that kind of control over me. I'm not really too sure what to do about it right now....besides John Mayer is currently lulling me into sweet melancholy, so I don't really care what else is going on....

and yes, I do know that this is a strange post.

I wrote this a long time ago...but the good old internet was failing me.

New

2010-03-24T20:54:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going to try something new. Not quite sure what it will be yet. I just am tired of being in the same old rut and it's time to push myself out. On to bigger and better things.....or maybe just different things.

sidenote: I got my application for graduation in the mail this week. I will be graduating college in a little over one year. THAT is scary...scary and exciting all at the same time.

spring break?

2010-03-12T09:51:00.000-08:00

yes, yes, i know i haven't posted in ages and ages, what can i say, i'm been crazy busy.

Well, today is the first day of SPRING BREAK!!! I'm so excited. I'm going with some friends down to Florida. We're driving, which should be....interesting. I'm actually looking forward to the drive down. I love driving/ riding in cars and it'll be great to be with my friends. I do however, have this lurking feeling that around hour number 10 I'll be ready to be OUT OF THE CAR!!! haha. oh well it's all part of the experience.

This is my first true college spring break. the past 2 years i've just gone home. So i'm so excited to be with my friends.

*note to self: I HATE swimsuit shopping, talk about a self-esteem killer*

Unfortunately, I have quite a bit of homework to do over spring break. I don't have anything that's due the mon. we get back, but ALOT of projects to get started on. hopefully that will make the week after spring break a little less stressful.

That's all for now folks. There was an "updating-fluffy-no actual content" post for you to enjoy while I'm soaking up the sun in Florida!!!!!!!

2010-02-25T20:56:00.000-08:00

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers eye." Luke 6:41-42

This isn't a passive agressive post. I didn't post it so people would read it and think I'm accusing them of anything, I'm not. I've just been thinking of these verses as of late and thought I would share a little insight into what's been going through my head.....maybe I'll post again later and share a little more of what crazy things I've been thinking the past few days...look out cuz that's going to be a crazy post!

i'm tired

2010-02-21T19:33:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a little tired. Not really a lack of sleep tired (although that's there too), more of an emotional, psychological, spiritual tired. There are so many things to worry about involving school, money, and life in general. And then on top of that I'm supossed to be changing my life to become more like Christ. That task, in and of itself, requires more focus and energy than I could ever have. Most of the time it feels like a losing battle. As soon as I feel like I'm making some spiritual progress, I realize that I've really made no progress at all. "one step forward, two steps back"...I feel like that's the story of my life, or at least the story of this past year. But.....

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

deep dark secret

2010-02-20T21:30:00.000-08:00

So I have a deep dark secret. Only a few people are aware of this, so you should be privileged to know this information...

I'm in love with Matchbox 20...and Rob Thomas.

I know that was anti-climactic. I know, Matchbox 20 is mainstream. I know it's "typical" music. I know they don't produce super high quality music. I know Rob Thomas is married. I know his earring makes him look like a tool-bag. I know they are basically a 90's band, but I love them. What can I say, guilty pleasure.

I tend to be a "brooding soul" when it comes to books, music, and movies. I realized this the other day when I made a failed attempt to make a work-out playlist. Instead of finding music which compelled me to stay on the elliptical for just 10 minutes more, I found music which could lull me into a take-a-long-drive on a rainy day mood. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, Matchbox 20 fits right into this.

My mind has been all over the place the last few days. There a lot of different things I could blog about, but it's late and if I started talking about any of them, you would be subjected to reading one of my posts which jumps from topic to topic. I never really talk about anything, I just touch on everything. So in order to spare you, I'll leave you with Rob Thomas' lyrical musings. I connect with this song. Yes, mock me all you want, but this song describes certain aspects of my crazy life right now.

Matchbox 20- Bright Lights

She got out of town
On a railway New York bound
Took all except my name
Another alien on Broadway
There's some things in this world
You just can't change
Somethings you can't see
Until it gets too late

Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me
From all I'm up against out in this world
Maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something
That's enought to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around
And come on home

I got a hole in me now
Yeah, I got a scar I can talk about
She keeps a picture of me
In her apartment in the city
Some things in this world
Man, they don't make sense
Some things you don't need
Until they leave you
And they're the things that you miss

Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me
From all I'm up against out in this world
Maybe, maybe, maye
You'll find something
That's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around
And come on home.

http://

just another sunday

2010-02-15T21:15:00.000-08:00

well yesterday...well i guess technically it was two days ago, was valentine's day. I spent the "hallmark holiday" at church, doing homework, babysitting, and playing soccer. I spent the day before valentines day alone in my apartment doing homework. *Note to self: never spend valentine's day (or the day before) by yourself, even if it is a made up holiday. You'll end up eating way to much and buying songs on itunes....or maybe that's just me.

The Olympics are on television. I don't know if it's because I'm an athlete or what exactly, but I LOVE watching them. I watch these people compete in different events and think...ok...so all they're doing is skiing, I could totally do that, then some announcer comes on and says that they are going 80 miles an hour and it's a crazy steep hill. I barely ever go that fast in my CAR let alone on two skis that are only 6 inches wide! How is that even possible! Or what about the speed skaters? They go insanely fast around and around in a little circle, how do they not get dizzy? And they're angle is so small when they take those corners, how is it physically possible to stay upright? I'm convinced I'm going to date an olympic speed skater, or a snowboarder, or someone who does moguls, or a hockey player...ok really any olympic male athlete who ISN'T a figure skater. I'll keep you updated on how many offers I get.

i'm going insane.

2010-02-10T19:59:00.000-08:00

so for no reason at all...i'm going insanely mad. ok maybe there are a couple reasons but they are inconsequential. but i am so mad...so if...in several hours you hear random rage-filled screams coming across the winter tundra...look out. it could be me.

that is all.

day 1

2010-02-08T21:35:00.000-08:00

Well today was the first day of my "be positive" week. I decided to try it for a week.

Today definately tested me...i mean when are mondays a breeze! haha. But today I am thankful for.....

good friends. I had a great weekend with a lot of my friends. They make me feel special and I'm so thankful they are there to teach me and encourage me.
soccer. We had a workout tonight. While it was kinda hard to go workout from 9pm-11pm. I saw it as an opportunity to go burn some calories.
a productive day. I had a lot of stuff on my plate today. A lot of homework and a lot of little things that had to be done today. And by God's grace, I got most of it done, even a little extra!

One sad thing about today. One of my friends is going away for awhile. We said goodbye to her today and I was surprised how sad it made me. Don't get me wrong, I love my friend, but I'm excited for her to have this AWESOME opportunity and know she will have a great time. Normally goodbye's don't bother me. Maybe it's because I know most of the time, their temporary, but today it was really hard. It reminded me that next year at about this time, we'll be getting ready to say our goodbyes "for good". We'll be graduating, and instead of being able to run into the next room, or down the stairs to catch-up or to see how someone's day is going, it will have to be a call, or a 3 hour drive for a "visit". I'm not looking forward to that. While I know that it's just another phase of life, I'm not ready to say "goodbye" to these people yet. It reminded me to live each day to the fullest, because in a blink of an eye, college will be over, and we'll never be able to come back.

now i need to get to bed so I wont be cranky in the morning!

heavens above!

2010-02-07T10:03:00.001-08:00

well let's just pretend i didn't write that last post. That's what happens when i haven't gotten enough sleep and have overdosed on sugar. Yikes! That sounded like I'm completely hopeless, which is not true.

For all the struggles I might be dealing with, I have infinitely more blessings!

For example, I can look out my window right now, and although I still see snow, I can see a bright blue sky. I feel like I haven't seen the sky in years!! It's so beautiful!

Here's an idea, how about holding on to the positives in life rather than clutching on to all the negatives. This is my new goal for the next couple days. I'll let you know how it goes.

Try it with me.

just wanted to let you know

2010-02-06T22:29:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to let you know.....as of yesterday, I'm now 21 years old. I have lived for over two decades.

Just wanted to let you know.....i miss my family. I didn't get to see them on my birthday and that makes me sad.

Just wanted to let you know.....i'm running out of money, and i'm scared for what will happen when it's gone.

Just wanted to let you know.....i miss having close guy friends. There are some things girls just can't help you with.

Just wanted to let you know.....i don't like it when people are mad at each other. I want it fixed. I don't want them to be upset with each other.

Just wanted to let you know.....i'm not sure if i'm going to make it through this semester. I barely made it through this week.

Just wanted to let you know.....that i'm a selfish person. Today I helped out at a benefit for a little girl who has cancer. Her family is willing to sacrifice anything for her. They worry if their daughter will make it to her next birthday, while i worry about school work.

Just wanted to let you know.....life isn't going to get easier. I'm slowly beginning to understand this is just another fact of life.

Just wanted to let you know.....i like ingrid michaelson. Try and look past the strange video and just listen to the song.

http://

Just wanted to let you know.....I have a lot of secrets, and I'm not sure that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Just wanted to let you know.....sometimes i like having emo blog posts, I feel like venting into the Internet.

Just wanted to let you know.....

bummer.

2010-01-28T15:02:00.000-08:00

has it been awhile? yes....get off my back. just kidding.

My computer is broken. It's been at tech services since Mon...and no news yet. I opened my computer of j-term break and discovered that all of my papers that represented way too many hours of scholarship, all of my pictures that represented way too many memories, and all of my music which represented way too much money (no, I don't get songs off of limewire for free) were ALL GONE!!! After a none too mild freak-out session I was reminded that all things pass away eventually and all of that stuff was material anyways. It was a good reminder to put stuff in perspective.

well I'm almost through the first week of classes for the spring semester. it's going to be..interesting. I'm taking 17.5 credits, which doesn't seem like very many, but when you take into account that last semester i basically had 11, its A TON!! I have a funny feeling that this might be my hardest semester.....awesome...

*side note: I'm writing this in the computer lab, and the kid in front of me has hiccups, weirdest hiccups ever. His entire body goes into convulsions when he hiccups....great now he's humming.

anyway i guess i would rather get the hard stuff done now. I just foresee there being many sleepless nights in my future. Too bad i'm not a night owl.

Well time to embark on a fun-filled night:
Dinner
Working out
Showering
Sleeping.

I'm such a crazy kid, huh? "Live it up" that's my motto! Who knows, maybe i'll go crazy and watch some T.V.!!!! ***For those of you who don't know me well enough to know that I'm a strong believer in the use of sarcasm, the last section was an example of that strong belief.***

Here's to a semester of perseverance!

tick-tock

2010-01-10T19:10:00.000-08:00

Why is it so gosh-darn easy to waste time?

This question has been on my mind for the past couple of days. Why you may ask? ok so you probably didn't ask and you probably don't actually have the desire to know, but lucky you, I'm sharing anyways.....in a 'round about way.

If you've known me for longer than...a day... you will know that I hate HATE HATE throwing up. I don't like not knowing when it's going to happen...you just sit there feeling absolutely horrid waiting for your stomach and your esophagus to completely rebel against you. There is nothing you can do to help it...or to stop it. So the flu is pretty much like dying to me.

Unfortunately, I'm just now getting over this deadly affliction.

I got sick on Wednesday night. My system "emptied" itself in about 6 hours and for the next 65 hours my system was out of commission. My saving grace came in the form of Beth and Carrie who provided me with saltines and 7up, my I'm-sick-with-the-flu necessities.

I was in my bed for two days straight. I watched some movies, but I got so bored. I kept thinking, I could be using all the precious minutes that I'll never get back to do something productive. But when I thought about it, if I was completely healthy I would have probably spent those days eating, sleeping, watching movies, wandering around the Internet, and possibly working out. While these pastimes may be enjoyable, they aren't exactly productive.

Why is it so easy to waste time?

Is it because we're lazy?

Because we just don't care?

Because we value "relaxing"?

Why?

"We say we waste time, but that is impossible. We waste ourselves." Alice Bloch

Transcultural Family

2010-01-05T19:21:00.000-08:00

First post of the new year!!! whoooo hooooo!!!

...To bad i don't have anything incredibly profound to say.

Well I'm two days into J-term. For all of you bloggernauts out there who don't know what J-term is, it's a "January term" where you take one class a day for two weeks. The classes are usually on the creative side, like "quilt-making" or "what Jesus film would Jesus watch". I'm taking Transcultural families. Sounds like it's CRAZY right? ok so maybe it sounds like a class they make you go through when you want to adopt a kid from another country, but it counts towards credits I need in order to graduate so it's ok. I wasn't too excited about the class because it sounded rather boring, not many of my friends were in it, and it was in the Nursing Program. So when people asked what j-term class I was taking I usually responded with a somewhat sincere sigh/groan and said that it sounded boring but at least it counted for something.

fast-forward to Jan. 3rd. My brother was talking about his J-term class that he signed up to take and how he really didn't want to take it but he felt like my parents were "strongly suggesting" him to (by the way, don't you hate when parents do that, I mean wouldn't it be easier to just come out and say, "you should do this", rather than attempting to subtly imply that not-so-hidden message, but I digress.) a class that would prep him for the ACT. He said it was going to be hard and boring and he would hate being in the class.

Being the all-knowing, always-right guru that I am, and since I was feeling especially pious since it was Sunday, I told him he should stop complaining and go into it with a good attitude. I told him that if he went into the class with a bad attitude that the class would go badly. As I smiled to myself thinking what mature advice I'd just given, my dad looks at me. He informs me that when talking about my j-term class I had pretty much said that I didn't want to take it but I felt like i should because it counted for required credits. This sounds a bit repetitive doesn't it? well that's because that's exactly what my brother had said, and that's exactly what I had just deemed a bad attitude. Talk about a slap in the face. After a couple seconds of trying to argue how my situation was different, I gave up, realizing I couldn't win a battle I had already lost. My dad was right, it was time I practiced what I preached and get rid of my bad attitude.

So, this j-term class has been good so far. A little repetitive, a little boring, but good. Obviously my new year's resolution of having a better attitude hasn't quite kicked in yet.

Don't rain on your own parade.

Battle Studies and Balloons

2009-12-28T20:08:00.001-08:00

I got a CD for Christmas. I got the CD rather than just buying the songs on itunes, going old school, I know. I'm not the proud owner of John Mayer's latest piece of brilliance, "Battle Studies". Usually I'm lucky if I like 5 or 6 of the songs on a CD. Not surprisingly, John Mayer beats the odds. I'm currently in love with 11 of the 12 songs on the album. Since i'm not going to link all the songs from his wonderful creation to this post....you all will just have to settle with looking at the cover art, and JM's awesome hair. Don't you just want to run your fingers through it? haha..ok ok, too far.

Now totally off subject I watched "UP!" today. You know, the movie by Disney about the old guy with glasses, the dog that talks, and all those BALLOONS! Although I wish I could say that it was "beneath me" and I didn't enjoy it at all, I can't, because I loved it! The Characters were so cute. The old man was preciously grumpy and I wanted to hug the pudgy little Asian-looking boyscout. In the movie, the old man sets out to find the land of adventure him and his wife always wanted to visit. After his wife died, he stuck about a million balloons onto his house and floated off to find the land of his wife's dreams. It got me thinking. He waited until his wife was dead, and he could barely walk 'till he went on his adventure. I mean it was clear in the movie that because of house payments, car payments, and other things that he couldn't really have gone any earlier. But who wants to wait till they are too old to fully enjoy an adventure to go on one. I want to travel all over now, when I'm young (and can still walk without the help of a cane). But to the old guy's credit, he went. He didn't let the fact that he was old keep him from going on his adventure, he still went. I don't want to be the girl that watches everyone else go on their own adventures while I'm busy organizing, saving, and planning my life away. I want to have my own adventures too.

Plan an adventure...

Serendipity: word of the day

2009-12-23T21:39:00.000-08:00

I was talking with someone about books we read as a kid and I really loved the "Serendipity" books. It got me thinking about what the word actually means.

Serendipity is defined as: "an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident; good luck."

........too bad serendipity doesn't exist.

2009-12-22T20:07:00.000-08:00

so awhile back i wrote about how i felt like i was on the verge of a big change. i wasn't. no big changes happened. bummer.

Christmas is a time for joy. Joy that the Savior came to save us, for without Him we would be lost forever. Christmas isn't a time to be bummed about how other peoples lives seem more adventurous, or more meaningful, or more put together than mine. Christmas isn't a time to be disappointed that your timing isn't God's timing. So I'm not going to let it be. Let's be a little cliche and say "remember the reason for the season".

This is one of my new favorite Christmas songs...enjoy.

http://

Peace on earth...good will to men

One mistake I didn't make

2009-12-21T11:31:00.000-08:00

Summer flings. So fun....but not always. This past summer I could have had a "fling" with this one guy I met through some mutual friends. He was from out of town so it really would have been a perfect random make-out opportunity. But I didn't. I decided to play the part of the good girl yet again and decided that we should be "facebook buddies" rather than "make-out buddies". I not going to pretend that there aren't days where I kinda wish I would have played the "not so nice-girl" but most of the time, I'm glad I made the decision I ended up making.

I was looking through his pictures the other day and if I would have said yes, I'm pretty sure I would have been one in a long long line of make-out partners. The kind of people he takes pictures with are the kind of people I DONT want to be. You know who i'm talking about, the too tan, too tight, too much make-up, too skinny, too trashy looking girls. Most of them have beer in hand and goofy grins on their faces. I would have been just another make-out, just another girl. As nice as he may have seemed, I don't want to be "just another girl" to him. I don't want to be "just another girl" to anyone.

Stay classy...always

And so it begins!

2009-12-15T06:24:00.000-08:00

I'm done with finals and my Christmas break has started!!!!!!

I'm wish i could say i was kidding, but i'm kind of sad that my philosophy class is over. It was really interesting, I loved the prof., I loved the people in my class, and it made me think about a lot different aspects about my faith. But i'm on to bigger and better things.

This past weekend I had a really great time with my roommates, well 2 of them. Kellyn went home to be productive and study. Good for her, because everybody knows i didn't have a productive weekend. The lowlight of the weekend was being harassed by a guy in a little caesars costume. I HATE people in costumes. THEY SCARE ME!!!!!!! I can't see there faces, i don't know what gender they are, and they can pretty much hug you w/out getting in trouble, i mean for all i know they could be some pedifile, sex crazed pyscho hugging me. anyways, the highlight of the weekend occured right after that, we went to the Live Nativity in Huntington. It was AWESOME. we waited for almost 2 hours to get in, but it was awesome once we did. We played 20 questions, I have an awesome one and it took Beth and Carrie like half hour to figure it out. haha.

another thought for the day; moving on is hard. Leaving people is hard. Some of my friends either aren't coming back second semester or are going to be off campus. It makes me sad. I liked things the way they are, but change is a part of life. And i'm excited for the people that are going to be off campus, they will have awesome experiences. We'll see what happens.

Off to have wonderful adventures over Christmas break!

why, hello again...

2009-12-10T18:33:00.000-08:00

so it's been awhile...i've been really busy. Experienced a good amount of stress. With the end of semester stuff all falling into a span of about 3 days it was touch and go there for awhile. Well i made it through the week, almost, and it's pretty smooth sailing till break. I've got two finals till break. The philosophy one is going to be annoying, since there's so much stuff to study.

oh well, in the spirit of looking forward to Christmas I'm going to honor you with a list of stuff I'm looking forward to doing over break.

-going to my home church
-singing christmas carols
-shopping
-watching "It's A Wonderful Life"
-watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas"
-baking Christmas cookies with my mom
-wrapping Christmas presents
-setting up the nativity scene
-watching snow fall at night
-reading "Pride and Prejudice"
-listening to my grandpa read the Christmas story
-seeing my cousins new baby!
and last but not least....
-eating way too much food.

At least New Year's Eve is getting closer so I can make some new year's resolutions to eat better (and less). Maybe if i'm lucky the resolutions this year will last until the end of February.

Happy weekend eve.

Jane Austen...

2009-11-29T15:50:00.000-08:00

My current obsession is Jane Austen. Over break I read a version of
Pride and Prejudice. I watched "Becoming Jane", a movie about the life of Jane Austen. I'm currently watching the movie version of Pride and Prejudice. I want to buy the book for Christmas. I love Austen's insight on English society and her strong willed characters. She was such a radical in her time, i'm jealous. I love the time period she writes in; all the balls, and manners, and gowns. Everybody could play the piano, dance, and write with quill-tip pens and ink. The only downside was the empire-waist dresses. I mean unless you're a freaking stick...you're pretty much destined to look fat. I was not blessed with a "stick-like" figure...good thing i'm not forced to wear empire waist dresses everyday. the also didn't have contacts, so I would be forced to wear glasses. I would be the fat, girl with glasses...destined to be an old maid....Praise God for contacts! haha

Seriously though, I'm very thankful for the inventions of the day. Like contacts and indoor plumbing. God knew what time period to place me in...I would not have done well if I had existed 200 years ago.

Back to Jane Austen,
I love her characters, each one has so much depth. Although, most of her character are charicatures, I know so many people who fit them exactly! I also love Austens diction. The word choice is impeccable, just reading her novels makes me want to use big words...see, like impeccable. Who says that?! I wish we still talked like that.

"It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their opinion, to be secure of judging properly at first."

I wish I talked like this...every word is descriptive, and conveys exaclty what message the speaker wants to send. They thought out what they were going to say before they sent it...i need to do that more often.

running

2009-11-23T19:54:00.000-08:00

I went for a run tonight.

Running and I have a strange relationship. I hate getting ready to go running but I love the way I feel while I run and after I run. My absolute favorite is to run at night in a cool rain. I got one of the three tonight. I went running when it was dark, and cool. It was just me, my ipod, and the stars. I wish i could say i was one of those people that run to collect their thoughts and ponder deep and confusing issues, but I can't. When I run, my mind clears. I just focus on the ground in front of me. But speaking of deep and confusing issues, I saw my philosophy professor while I was running, that was kinda strange. haha

I wish i could run more often. One of THE MOST frustrating things about my life is the problems i continually have with my legs. I can't run more than a couple times a week without getting shin splints. I've had at least 2 stress fractures in my ankles, and now I have really bad tendonitis in both knees. I love running, but not being able to walk the day after is not fun. I think I need to find some type of exercise that still tires me out but doesn't kill my legs. Any ideas?

Guess what? 1 1/2 days till break! Food, family, and giving thanks....can't get much better.

night all.

a poem...

2009-11-20T20:24:00.000-08:00

After a while – Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

I have a confession, I collect poems. Every so often I read poems online, all different kinds. My favorite poet is Sara Teasdale, she's kinda melancholy (ok that's a lie, she super melancholy) but i like her insight and her diction. obviously, this isn't by her, but i like this poem a lot. I says a lot...on a lot of different levels. What kind of experience does it take to make someone write these words. How many sad experiences did this person have to make them feel like they must set out by themselves? It's intresting though, because, slowly, I'm starting to become this person. Scary, huh? Its scary to learn sometimes. Its scary to know that i must to learn if i want to actually live a life instead of just existing in one. Its scary that if i want to learn i will experience pain.

and on a lighter note, the U of M vs. OSU game is tomorrow.....Go wolverines. If all goes according to plan, tomorrow will consist of sleeping in, watching the U of M game, watching the HU basketball game, and helping at a benefit for an amazing little girl. should be a good day.

side note. my roommates are discussing a very serious matter. after watching an episode of Deadliest Catch (awesome show by the way), we have begun to ponder this question: What does a lobster do all day long? and how do they stay on the bottom of the ocean? we may never know.

thought of the moment: take away the smoking, swearing, heavy drinking from the average deck hand on Deadliest Catch, add some teeth, some religious beliefs, and at least a GED level of education, and you have my perfect man.

Thanksgiving already!?!?!

2009-11-19T19:27:00.001-08:00

I talked to some of my friends this afternoon and was reminded that i haven't blogged in a while...so here we go...

So i was pretty much mortified when I got up this morning and realized that today is November 19, which means, it's almost Thanksgiving, I have 3 1/2 weeks till Christmas Break, and less than 2 months till 2010. Where did the year go? I swear just yesterday I was finishing up my soph. year and now i'm halfway through my junior year. crazy. I know it's a little early to be thinking about new years resolutions...but honestly what did i do this year? I mean i wish i could be like, i helped such-and-such organization, or reached out to this ministry. I'll be the first to admit that i didn't do as much as i wanted to this year. I always have such high expectations about all the things i want to do in the world...gosh, i want to bash around and save the world...but then the next minute i'm completely content to lay around in apathy. how annoying. well hopefully (Lord willing) that will change.

Speaking of change....you know that big change that i felt like was coming....yep, still hasn't happened. bummer.

side note that has nothing to do w/ anything. the past two days i've gotten to spend some time with friends i haven't seen in awhile. i didn't realise how much i missed them. i need to come out of the cave that i've been living in for the past 3 weeks. I didn't live in a cave on purpose....i just needed a break from people...and it turned into a life consisting of homework, t.v., sleeping, and pondering. haha. well i need to try and get over that hump.

ok...that was a lot of introspection for one post.

Make the last few days of the year count!

change

2009-11-12T19:40:00.000-08:00

so kinda a weirdly creepy picture...but it's what google came up with when I typed in change...

well an update for all of you who read my blog and don't already know this. My brother is a state champion. Freedom won division 4 boys soccer state finals last weekend. He also passed his drivers test this week too! I'm so proud of him! Man, I love that boy! He's a pretty awesome brother. Now for this week. I've been feeling "sickish" for the past two days. I haven't been hungry for two days and I have a slight headache, upset stomach, and maybe a slight fever. major downer. oh well can't do much about it.

I sat in today for HTV, our college's tv news broadcast. I think it would be SUPER fun to be an anchor or sports or something on HTV. The professor told me I should do sports next year, and the director said I should come out. But i don't know. I mean It's entirely possible that i will really suck at it. I mean can't you just picture me misreading the teleprompter and saying s---t instead of shift, or reading the entire news story into the wrong camera, or having a chunck of my hair sticking straight up, or having something in my teeth, the list goes on and on. so I don't know...we'll see.

anyways...now in reference to my title for the post.

Have you ever felt like you're on the verge of a big chance? I have, I feel like that right now, actually. I'm not sure what it will have to do with, but it feels like there's gonna be a huge change, like a turning point you know? Like I'm standing with a blindfold on and it's about to be taken off (ha, I avoided using the clique of "standing at the edge of a cliff", or "standing at a fork in the road", but I mean they are good analogies). I don't know if it's going to be good or bad, but I just feel like it's coming.

Here's to hoping it's a good change.

off track already

2009-11-03T14:29:00.000-08:00

I'm fully aware that it was just yesterday that i made a list of topics i was going to cover for my blog, but i don't feel like talking about anything on that list right now.

Right now i feel like talking about my day...and my 5 day weekend.

What does a 100+ Communication theory+ worrying= a 100% on my last Communication Theory test.....OH YEAH!!!! That, my wonderful friends, is how my day started. I had to visit the doctor about my leg today. Apparently, I have periostitis, which is the inflammation of the covering on the bone of my lower leg. I'm supposed to massage my leg, ice it, and rest. At least it's not a stress fracture, could've been worse.

Today I was a sports anchor, "threw to a break", ran a teleprompter, worked a tv camera, and shot a OVS shot, all for the first time. In broadcast journalism today we had 3 mock newscasts. I really enjoyed doing the sports and working the camera, but i HATED running the teleprompter. I was complimented for how I did doing the sports, which was neat...since I'd NEVER DONE IT BEFORE.

Next I enjoyed killing my skin cells by frying them in a tanning bed. It was wonderful. Overall it has been a wonderful day.

Now for my big weekend plans.

So my brother, who I love so very much, is playing in the state semi-finals soccer game tomorrow. My mom is coming to pick me up tomorrow and she'll bring me back on thurs. If they win tomorrow then my mom will spend the night on thurs. and we'll go back to Grand Rapids on Fri. for the weekend...with the state championship game on sat. It's shaping up to be an excellent weekend!

this is my brother whom I love.

Time to indulge...in some ice cream.

Coming Attractions

2009-11-02T06:19:00.000-08:00

When I created this blog I had a whole list of things I wanted to talk about..and i realized today that I have talked about...pretty much none of them. So I'm making a list of topics I want to talk about...

-soccer
-next semester
-the soundtrack of my life
-my future
-"Respectable Sins"
-my sense of "style"
-summer plans
-my friends
-my family
-high school
-my time

Well it's probably going to take me awhile to get through this list but that's ok. Let's get started on that list.

Next Semester:

I scheduled classes for next semester today. I'm taking 16 credits, which might not sound like a lot...but i'm a little nervous because I haven't taken that many credits in a while. So far...here's how it looks...

BR331 Religions of the World
MA151 Intro. to Probability & Statistics
CO231 Radio Announcing & Production
CO381 Media Law
CO421 Research Methods in Communication
PE121CAR Cardio Strength Conditionng Women
PE111YOG Yoga

Usually I'm excited about the new classes I will be taking because they relate to my major, but a math class, a Bible class, and Strenght training and yoga don't relate to the major. I haven't taken a math class in 4 years so i'm kinda worried I won't remember that 2+2=4. I'm actually worried for all my classes. I hate worrying. God tells us in pretty obvious terms that we aren't supposed to worry. He is in control of everything and we really can't change what His plan is. So my goal....is to stop worrying. Hahaha...might be awhile before i accomplish that one. Let's look on the positive side of things w/ regards to classes....I'm interested in what exactly we will do in Yoga...hopefully I'll get a little more flexible, always a good thing. And i'm excited to take the Radio announcing and production class. Hopefully this will let me know if I want to be on-air at a radio station...or do more behind the scenes stuff. Side note- one of my professors told me the other day he could see me in public relations type stuff....awesome Dr. Clark, way to make me complete doubt my choice of major/minor. Great now I need to deal doubt...which is also something God tells us not to do...geesh...i'm on a role w/ this whole trusting God thing. Well at least His grace is sufficient.

Also...I noticed that my posts have nothing to do w/ my title...my random thoughts are not helping me decide on a great title....so I'll end each post w/ something about me that I think needs to be included in my blog title. Today it's.....

Well after looking at this post, I've concluded, unfortunately enough, that I am a worrying doubter...or a doubting worrier. which ever way you want to look at it.

may you all have a peaceful day.

lazy night

2009-10-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

This is a NEWS BULLETIN......THIS POST HAS NO RHYME OR REASON AT ALL
and there will be no pictures...try using your imaginations...it's way more fun.

So I should be studying for my Communication Theory class right now. But instead i'm writing on my blog...and dreaming of days gone by. Cheesy? YES!!! But that's what an hour and a half of listening to Michael Buble, Dean Martin, and Frank Sinatra will do to you. Their music puts me in best mood. Suddenly i'm wisked back to 1950s and wearing a killer dress and dancing with a well dressed man w/ a fedora. I want to be sitting in a cocktail lounge listenig to Sinatra in person. Oh well..not gonna happen...since he's dead. oh well. The most I can hope for is a night downtown Chicago, walking from the door of my 15th story apartment building out to a black towncar (It's my boyfriend's company car that they let him borrow for the evening, just so you know). The stars are out, its one of those warm fall nights, the perfect temperature. Then we're being wisked down Michigan Avenue towards the Palmer House for the Gala that he just HAD to go to. It's gonna be a night of dancing(even though i don't know how to dance), champagne (even though i don't really like it) and big band music. Just to complete the image for you, I'm wearing a killer dress that shows off my legs, and my hair looks better than jennifer anistons ever has. Now back to reality...sigh...

I figured out my schedule for next semester today. I'm hopefully taking 16.5 credits. I'm really excited about my Radio Announcing and Production class. Not so excited about my Research Methods in Communication, Media Law, or the MATH class that I have to take. Oh well. I have to get em done sometime.

I think i have a stress fracture in my leg. I had one my freshman year in high school and it was one of the most frustrating things ever. My leg hurts pretty bad. I have a sharp pain when i walk on it or touch it. It even hurts when i'm laying down...it's a dull, throbbing pain. I'm trying to just suck it up since I only have one week of soccer left. I was looking forward to running and working out (hopefully to lose a couple pounds) after soccer was over, but I can hardly walk...There is no way I'll be able to run. I guess I'll just have to cut out a meal each day...I'm down to a granola bar for breakfast and a salad for dinner....just kidding.

I got a text from the guy I worked with at my internship. He said that him and his co-worker missed me and wished "he could snap his fingers and have me as a member of team" right now. I was really encouraged by that. I've been scared lately. What if I graduate and I'm bad at radio, or public relations, or...everything. We had a chapel this week about how we need to get out there and DO stuff for God. And I thought about how I want to do something big for God so bad. They talked about how each of us are gifted especially for our purpose in God's kingdom. And I thought about how I'm not super good at anything...I mean don't get me wrong. God's gifted me in numerous ways...but there will always be someone (in most cases, a lot of someones) who are way better at any skill i might have. What if I'm just average my whole life. I don't want to be average, but I don't have anything that makes me distinctive enought to really stand out like that one person. You know who I'm talking about, that one person who has it all. They have that special quality that just makes them stand slightly above the rest. They can sing, they can dance, they can lead, they can pray, and everybody just loves them...and the worst part about it is that you do too! haha. Oh well i need to just get over it, and trust that God will find some use for me.

side note.....i'm sorry if you get annoyed with my really bad spelling, and my really bad puncuation, and the fact that i never capitalize words...or i do but only sometimes. I just get too into what i'm writing...or i'm too lazy to care. And I don't usually re-read my posts...so there will probably be parts that don't make sense....

Deal with the mediocrity of my writing.

the saddest part of autumn

2009-10-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

I love fall, it might be my favorite season.

Here's a few reasons why I love fall:

-colder weather- I love being able to bundle up in a sweater or a huge blanket

-sweaters- who doesn't love pulling on a cozy sweater?

-apple picking- I wish I could re-create the smell of an apple orchard, and
something is just so much better about the way fresh picked apples taste.

-pumpkins- Although the guts can be smelly and kinda gross, decorating pumpkins in a
fall time must!!!! do you paint or carve your pumpkins?

-thanksgiving- food, family, football...the ultimate triangle of awesomeness!

-apple cider- what a wonderful beverage. enjoy hot,cold,frozen, or with a cinnamon
stick.

-pumpkin cookies- my lovely mother started making these a couple years ago. They're
actually pretty healthy because they are made with pumpkin filling (i guess it's
healthy for you).

-college football-
"Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan
The leaders and best!
Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan,
The champions of the West!

enought said.....

-carmel apple pops- a beautiful combination of sour green apple suckers and carmel...but get them while they last, they're only around during the fall.

-leaves- The colors of changing leaves are AMAZING!!!! There are so many different colors, but my favorite are the vivid red leaves. I wish they stayed on the trees longer, but they do make the road/sidewalk look so much better! haha I'll admit it, I'm not a huge fan of raking leaves....but i love jumping in them!

speaking of leaves, A depressing thing happened this week. During the fall this depressing thing happens about once a week. Yesterday the grounds crew (the people that mow the grass at HU), destroyed the leaves. The crew comes in with this huge machine-thing that sucks up all the leaves and chops them into little tiny pieces. After they're done there are no longer any pretty leaves...only chopped up little pieces in random spots across campus. anyways...time to get to bed, I have a soccer game tomorrow, it could be my second to last game of my junior year. so strange to think about.

enjoy the fall!

a "goodish" day

2009-10-21T16:52:00.000-07:00

today was a good day, for the most part. It started off not so good because i had an 8 o'clock class...boooo that. then we watched some really neat music videos in my comm. class. I got to take a NAP, which are possibly my most favorite things in the world. We had a soccer game against IWU tonight. we lost 3-0 but we played well, and i played 4, yep count 'em, 4 different positions. My parents came, which was so nice. I've really gotten a lot closer to my parents this school year and I just love whenever I get to see them, especially since i didn't get to go home for fall break. We went out to eat afterwards to applebees...it was excellent. in aproximately 1 hour Glee is on.....winner winner chicken dinner. and then I get to go to bed. overall this has been an above average day.

i'm aware that there wasn't really anything deep or insightful in this post. but i felt guilty that i hadn't posted anything since sat.

heres one of the music videos we watched in class...the actual music is super weird and it takes awhile for it to get interesting but hold out, cuz it's amazing, so much planning had to go into making this movie.

just being honest

2009-10-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

ok, this is just an honest post. I know it's not what I should be thinking, and i know i shouldn't feel this way because i have more things to be thankful than i could possibly count...i didn't write that because i want a million people commenting that they love me, or that i shouldn't be sad, or that my time is coming, or that God's timing is perfect. like i said...i know those things...but this is just the way i'm feeling

i'm kinda sad and kinda lonely....

and i don't want to be kinda sad and kinda lonely anymore.

good night.

my "fall break", but not really

2009-10-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ready for a non-fall break. I have a soccer game today and practice monday and tuesday so i can't go home. But i'm glad i get a break and a chance to catch up on some sleep.

I don't have much time to write a deeply insightful post right now...but, thanks to Rachel, I discovered this song...and I love it. It's a good reminder. Enjoy!

http://

Who knows who you might meet in a grocery store.

Have a lovely fall day!

SO ANGRY!!!!!!!

2009-10-15T17:10:00.000-07:00

So we watched a movie the other day in my communication and society class. It was about how music videos objectify women. I found myself getting angry about how women were allowing men to treat them in such a way. The women in these videos were allowing (if not throwing) themselves onto men. They were letting men touch them and treat them like pieces of meat. It made me SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!! I'm angry because our society has put such a high emphasis on appearance and sexuality that womens minds have been been numbed into thinking that these are the only things that give women value.

And i'm even more angry that I've boughten into it. I mean I try to make myself look half-way decent. I'm constantly comparing myself to women I see on t.v. or even around campus. I wish I was skinnier. I wish I had better skin. I wish I had a smaller nose. I spend a lot of money on makeup. The list goes on and on. I hate that I'm one of those girls. I hate feeling like I don't have as much value because I don't have a boyfriend. I hate feeling like I'm behind because all of my friends from highschool are either married or engaged. I hate it because I know my value doesn't come from that. I know that if I search for admiration the of men I WILL NEVER FIND IT. Paul says in Galatians, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." I am a child of the Living God and He is what gives me value. I must stop believing the lie that the devil has told to society. Now if I can only figure out how.......

hmmmm. time for some pondering...

my to-do list

2009-10-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

I have an ongoing list that I keep of things I want to do before I die. It's not really a bucket list...it's not like if I don't do everything my life will be a failure or anything like that. It's just a list of things that I think it would be cool to do. Some of the items are small and other ones are kinda reaching for the sky. don't laugh, some of these are kinda lame.

To-Do List:

buy a lotto ticket

take a cooking class

swim in the mediterranean

learn to play the piano

visit all 50 states

get my ears double pierced

write a song

sail a boat

run a half marathon

drive/ride a motorcycle

visit Paris

visit Italy

ride the underground in London

learn to ski

climb a mountain

Well there it is...the ones I feel like sharing anyways.

side note: I love Glee. It's a show on Fox, it's on Wed. nights, and I think it's the bees knees. The music rocks my world. Every week I'm really really want to buy all the songs from the show on itunes.....behold temptation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

peace out home scout!

it's funny

2009-10-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

NOTE TO READERS: Due to having a lot on my mind this entry will probably end up being random. I tend to have a thought, begin to elaborate on it, then move onto another thought before i finish the old one. consider yourself warned.

it's funny how easily your day can be changed. My day started out awesome. I made toast and eggs for breakfast and I looked cute. Then I went to class and I got a test back. I didn't fail but I didnt get a very good grade either. So my day went a little worse. Then i went on a field trip to a t.v. station which was fun. So my day got a little better. After that I had a soccer game, which we lost...that made me sad/mad. I played alot which was great but it's just been a frustrating (I never spell this word right) year soccer-wise...but that will come later...in the form of a post. haha. Then I did homework...which continued to bring my day down. Then...we had our floor/friends Bible study. This has become the highlight of my week. I love being able to share our insights, triumphs, and pray requests with each other. But back to my rollercoaster of emotions (why yes, i did steal that analogy). I don't think that it's right for me to be that wishy-washy. I mean shouldn't my emotions be based on God, and when I really think about it, i bring it upon myself with the value i place on things that dont really matter. So for the rest of this week i'm gonna try hard to not let day-to-day circumstances change my attitude. This is going to be tough.

ok well i'm tired. and i guess that post wasn't quite as random as i thought it was going to be...but it's time for me to drift off into the sweet sweet land of sleep.

sleep well.

Rainy fall day

2009-10-12T06:08:00.000-07:00

So it's kinda cold and rainy today. The leaves had started to change, and some have started to fall off the trees, so there's wet, brown leaves all over the sidewalk. I know I should hate weather like this, I mean who would pick this over a warm, sunny day when it's 80 degrees. And while I love days like that too, I'll be honest and say I love this weather...ok maybe not the rain...but anyways.

It reminds me of 2 things:

1. What I imagine England would be like. I'm not sure why but I think of England as being kinda blustery and cold. I probably get it from Wuthering Heights, one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE books. I can almost picture myself ducking into some quaint bookstore for tea after traveling through the moors....See I warned you my blog was going to be weird. You're only just beginning to see how strange my mind really is.

2. Chicago. When I turned 16 my mom took me and one of my best friends at the time, Laura, to Chicago. I love everything about Chicago, I love how big it is, I love how diverse it is, I love how I can pass Louis Vuitton, H&M, and Goodwill all within a couple of minutes. Anyways, when I went with Laura and my mom it was only about the second time I had gone. We had a fantastic time but it rained/snowed and was cloudy for most of the weekend. I went to Chicago again with the Student Council from high school and same deal...I loved it, but it rained the whole weekend. In some weird frame of mind I feel like the clouds fit Chicago though. For me at least, it makes it feel more urban. I feel compelled to walk fast and wear a black (very stylish, of course) trench coat.

So yes, while the rain is wet and cold. I enjoy what it reminds me of.....now it's time for me to go to class. Maybe I'll walk quickly and pretend my sweatshirt is actually a very stylish trench coat.

Much love.

the start of something new...

2009-10-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

well i'm trying something NEW...a blog!!

I wanted to start blogging a while ago but I didn't want to "go along with the crowd". Which, I guess doesn't really make sense since now it just looks like I was late in following the trend.

So I'm kind of a particular person and as lame as it is, I wanted a really good title for my blog. I wanted something that would describe me. I wanted something original and quirky, but not too cliche or brainy. My goal of a perfect title is pretty much impossible since I'm such a random smathering of ideas, emotions, and thoughts. So I decided that until I finally have that epiphany of the perfect title, this blog will track the process of coming up with THE great title. I know hardly anyone is going to read this because I don't plan on really telling anyone about it. I know that if anyone does read this they will probably just be really confused since I'm so weird. And I know that my blog will not be a place full of amazing, deeply penetrating thoughts. But my thoughts are my thoughts and I'm excited to try to put them down into words.

And So It Begins.......